We all know that divorce is hard on children. While it’s usually the best decision for a family, it doesn’t make it any easier for kids to be shuttled back and forth between each parent’s house, constantly needing to pack a bag and do things twice.
A content creator and mom named Susan shared that she and her ex-husband decided to do things differently. Susan explained that they didn’t want to overwhelm their kids with such a major change, and instead wanted to give them a bit of consistency by allowing them to stay in their home all of the time.
The divorced parents swap houses instead of making their kids switch between homes.
In Susan’s initial video, she explained that after her divorce, she and her ex made the unconventional decision to keep the kids in the house. As parents, they would be the ones to switch back and forth.
“Every time I have to pack my stuff and haul it to the car, I’m so thankful it’s me doing this instead of the kids,” she shared. “It was scary at first, figuring out logistics, each finding a room to rent. But it was also way cheaper than two houses big enough for six people.” Most importantly, her kids’ lives are far less disrupted than they would be otherwise.
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Susan said that it’s been an adjustment, but well worth it.
In several follow-up videos, Susan added a bit more context. She addressed questions about sharing a space with her ex, clarifying that it’s no longer hard since they’ve been doing it for quite some time. They’re not at the kids’ house at the same time, and have separate places.
She said that they have a “2 2 5 5” custody schedule, which she absolutely loves. Susan explained that she stays at the house two days a week, Monday and Tuesday, and her ex-husband also gets two days, Wednesday and Thursday. They then alternate weekends.
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“So what that means is I’ll have the kids for two days, he’ll have the kids for two days, and then I’ll get that weekend,” she said. “But then I’ll also get the next Monday, Tuesday, so it’s actually five days in a row.”
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This arrangement is known as ‘birdnesting.’
“‘Birdnesting’ or ‘nesting’ is a way of living that enables children to remain in the family home and spend time with each parent there,” BBC correspondent Maddy Savage explained. “Each legal guardian stays at the home during their agreed custody time, then elsewhere when they’re ‘off duty.’ The concept gets its name from bird parents, who keep their chicks safe in a nest and alternately fly in and out to care for them.”
The disruptive and turbulent nature of divorce is often difficult for children. This arrangement allows for more consistency and is easier on the kids as they are able to stay in familiar surroundings.
According to Savage, birdesting is gaining popularity, particularly among middle-class families in the U.S., Australia, and the Netherlands. “In Sweden,” she added, “where equally shared child custody has been commonplace for decades, some divorced parents have rotated homes as far back as the 1970s.”
Though this arrangement may be a bit uncomfortable for the parents at first, at the end of the day, co-parenting is about making sure the kids are comfortable and feel both loved and safe.
“Kids need consistency. They need safety and love and all the things,” Susan stressed in another video. “I am just a strong believer in (letting) the adults work through the chaos and (letting) the kids have just as much normalcy and consistency as possible. They only get one childhood — let’s make it the best that we can.”
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
