In today’s digital dating world, navigating relationships has become more complex than ever. Just when we thought ghosting and gaslighting were bad enough, a new and disturbing trend has emerged: ghostlighting . It is a dating trend that combines two toxic behaviours, ghosting and gaslighting. It happens when someone you’re dating suddenly disappears without any explanation (ghosting), and then returns later, pretending nothing happened or blaming you for the silence (gaslighting). This can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and questioning your own memory or actions. Unlike ghosting, where the person just cuts off contact, ghostlighting adds emotional manipulation , making it even more damaging.
Ghostlighting in dating: When disappearing and manipulation combine
In the modern dating world, ghostlighting is emerging as a deeply harmful behaviour. A blend of ghosting and gaslighting, this trend involves someone suddenly cutting off communication, only to return later and deny the disappearance or make the other person feel responsible. It’s more than just going silent; it’s a manipulative emotional game that causes confusion and distress. Where ghosting leaves people hurt but with a sense of closure, ghostlighting reopens the wound by making the victim question their memory, feelings, and reality.
How ghostlighting destroys trust, self-worth, and emotional stability
Ghostlighting can be emotionally damaging due to its manipulative and unpredictable nature. The sudden disappearance and reappearance can lead to confusion and self-doubt, causing victims to question their own perceptions and memories. This behaviour can also be a form of emotional manipulation, where the reappearing person tries to regain control or power in the relationship. Furthermore, ghostlighting can create false hope, leading victims to believe that the relationship is salvageable, only to be disappointed again. Ultimately, ghostlighting can lead to deep-seated trust issues, making it challenging for victims to form healthy relationships in the future.
Why is ghostlighting happening so often
Digital dating culture is a major contributor. Dating apps make it easy to treat people as disposable, and there’s little pressure to maintain accountability. With endless swiping options, some people avoid uncomfortable conversations and instead choose to disappear. When guilt kicks in, or boredom strikes, they return without addressing their past behaviour. Emotional immaturity, fear of commitment, and a lack of empathy all play a role in this pattern. Ghostlighting is essentially a shortcut for people who want the benefits of emotional connection without the responsibility that comes with it.
Why it's more harmful than ghosting or gaslighting alone
While ghosting is painful due to the lack of closure, and gaslighting is harmful because it distorts reality, ghostlighting combines both. Victims not only feel abandoned but are then manipulated into believing it didn’t happen or that they were overreacting. This emotional push-pull can erode trust and self-esteem, leaving lasting psychological scars. You’re left questioning your instincts and doubting whether your pain is even real, which is exactly what makes this behaviour so insidious.
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