Dear Coleen

I’m a 32-year-old man and I’m supposed to be getting married in May. My fiancee and I have been together three years and I love her, but I’ve been having these thoughts and fantasies about her sister for a while.

Now all I do is worry whether I should even be getting married and it’s causing me a lot of stress and sleepless nights. I only met my fiancee’s sister a year ago, as she’d been living abroad.

She’s now back home permanently and living with her parents, so I see a lot of her. We instantly hit it off when we met and she’s a lot of fun.

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She makes me laugh like no one else and I look forward to seeing her more than I should. I find her so attractive and it’s killing me.

No one knows how I feel and I have never – and nor would I – ever tell her how I feel. But if I’m thinking about her so much, how can I walk down the aisle and marry my fiancee?

This wasn’t in the plan and I’m beginning to wish she’d stayed in Australia and I’d never met her. Please help.

Coleen says

You don’t need me to tell you this is a no-go area. Even if you split up with your fiancee and there is no wedding, it would still be a no-go area.

It sounds like her sister has come back from Australia with this very appealing carefree and fun attitude, and maybe she’s also really gorgeous, but she probably just sees you as her future brother-in-law.

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As someone who grew up with five sisters, I can tell you that if you ever try to mess with that relationship, you’re doomed and packing your bags. Back in the day, if one of my sister’s boyfriends flirted with me, the first person I’d tell was my sister.

You do need to pay attention to these doubts you’re having, though. If you’re worried and feel you need space to do some soul searching and talk to your partner without the pressure of the wedding looming, then postpone it.

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That might feel very stressful, but it’s better to inconvenience people than to walk down the aisle worrying you’re making the wrong decision. You say you’d never act on these feelings you’re having, so put this woman out of your mind.

Stop thinking of her in that way and don’t build it up into this big romantic thing because it wouldn’t be – it would just cause absolute mayhem.