By Dr. Maithili Tambe

In a world where we prioritise the safety and security of our children, we need to help them understand personal boundaries and its dynamics. Teaching kids about ‘good touch’ vs. ‘bad touch’, is not just a conversation, it's a very big step whereby they can feel empowered to discuss such issues. However, by creating awareness about boundaries, we can arm our children with the tools they need to navigate through their interactions with others so that they grow up confident and self-aware of their rights.

Defining What Is Good Touch

When you teach kids about good touch it’s important to pay attention to the positive feelings that come with the interactions. Good touch is accompanied by good feelings and often feels warm, safe, and affectionate. Educate your children so that they understand that that good touches can happen in various ways such as during play, celebrations, or expressions of support.

Also, educate them the notion of consent and personal comfort. They need to understand it's acceptable to say ‘no’ to any inappropriate physical contact if they don’t feel right about it, even if the intent behind it is positive.  This way, they become empowered in communicating what is right and wrong to them.

Defining Bad Touch: Recognising Inappropriate Behaviour

Discuss with your child that bad touch refers to unwanted touch that causes or makes them uncomfortable, scared or puzzled. This could range from overly familiar hugs and kisses from strangers to more overt acts of touching which invade personal space. Teach children to trust their instincts; if it feels wrong, then it probably is, and they must tell a trusted adult. Help them identify specific touch types such as touching in private areas of the body or any behaviour that crosses their personal boundaries without consent. Use clear examples, like letting them know it's perfectly okay to say no if someone requests touching them in a way that feels uncomfortable.

Also, it’s important to remind them that improper touches are not just physical by nature. In today's digital age, children need to be enlightened on the improper comments or gestures made online. Let them know that they have every right to report or block anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable on social media.

Age-Appropriate Discussions About Touch

You need to tailor your conversations to match your child's developmental stage as the information becomes more relevant and they would be able to grasp the concept effectively. For 3 to 6 years of age, the discussions must be simple and straightforward. You can use easy words and relatable examples for your child. Explain them what is good touch and bad touch. Engaging with visual aids, such as drawings or puppets, will make it easy for them to understand these concepts. 

As children grow older, around ages 7 to 10, you can introduce more nuanced discussions about consent and personal space. Encourage them to express their feelings about touch and to communicate when they feel uncomfortable. Role-playing scenarios can be effective here, allowing them to practice how to respond in situations where their boundaries may be tested.

Introduce nuanced discussions such as consent and personal space matters as the child grows older between 7 to 10 years of age.  Encourage them to express their feelings about touch and whether they feel uncomfortable about it. Role play practice can come handy, allowing them to practice how to respond in situations where their boundaries may be tested.

For pre-teens and teens, talk to them about the complexity of relationships and the importance of mutual respect. Talk about the impact of peer pressure and the importance of standing firm in their boundaries, even when faced with challenges. Encourage openness by telling them they can always come to you with a query or concern without fear of judgment.

Frequent review of the subject matter drives the lesson home and reminds children that they do have a voice and should feel empowered to stand for themselves. 

How To Address Questions & Concerns From Children

Children are always curious and their questions can range from innocent and straightforward to more complex and nuanced. Parents, educators, and guardians should listen to these questions patiently and empathetically while showing a safe environment in which the child feels free to voice their views. Start by encouraging open dialogue with them. Let them know that it's perfectly fine to ask anything, no matter how silly or embarrassing it may be. At times when a child asks about touch, boundaries, or even particular scenarios, take your time to actively listen to the concerns they may have raised.

This lets them know that the legitimate concern is worth the discussion with you. For instance, if a child expresses confusion about why certain touches are considered wrong, take your time explaining the whys behind it, using age-appropriate language. Connect that to their experiences and feelings, helping them understand that it is perfectly normal to feel comfortable and safe in one's own body. Let them know they can always come to you with their concerns and give confidence to them that they should never feel pressured to accept unwanted touch, even from friends or family members.

The Role Of Consent In Relationships

From an early age, children should be taught that their bodies are their own and that they have every right to refuse any form of touching against their will whenever they feel uncomfortable with it. As children grow, ideas concerning consent must graduate to cover not only physical touching but emotional and social interactions as well. This would further enhance the understanding of true consent in a mutual agreement, as it lays out that healthy relationships rely on respect and understanding.

Teaching children to ask before engaging in activities, such as borrowing a toy or giving someone a hug, reinforces the idea that healthy relationships are built on respect and understanding.  By demonstrating how to seek and give consent in everyday situations, we can provide children with real life examples to emulate. This can include from asking children for permission before physical affection to respecting their choices, and actively listening to their responses. Talking about scenarios both positive and negative can guide children to deal with complex social dynamics and prepare them for real-life situations. 

Teaching children about the difference between 'good touch' and 'bad touch' is not just a one-time conversation, it should be an ongoing discussion. It is an important step in empowering them to understand themselves and establish healthy boundaries. We have to create open communication and encourage questions so that they feel safe enough to discuss their feelings and experience. The conversations you have today can help your children with the tools they need to navigate the world safely and confidently. By giving these important lessons early on, you are helping to build a foundation of trust and security that will serve them well throughout their lives.