Marriages in India aren't dying because men have changed too much or women haven’t changed enough. They’re not collapsing under feminism or patriarchy. They’re not even suffocating under in-laws or social media. They’re falling apart because of something quieter, deeper, and more invisible. Expectations. Not the simple ones. The layered, loaded, contradictory ones. The ones we don’t speak out loud but still carry like truth. The ones we never question because we assume they’re just “normal.” This is not about blame. It’s about finally looking at the script we’ve all been handed and realizing, maybe the lines don’t make sense anymore.
We were taught to want everything. No one taught us how to carry it

We grew up being told marriage is the ultimate partnership. That it’s two people coming together to share life, responsibilities, and a future. But somewhere along the way, “sharing” became mirroring. We expect the other person to think like us, prioritize like us, love like us, process pain like us and if they don’t, we feel unloved.

We expect them to be our best friend, lover, therapist, parent, co-parent, career coach, spiritual guide, and Sunday brunch companion. One person. All roles. All the time. Is it any wonder the relationship begins to bend? And eventually, break?
Men are expected to provide peace, money, presence, and predictability

Most men were raised on the idea that love is protection, provision, and quiet strength. They weren’t trained to explain their moods or unravel their childhood wounds. Now, suddenly, they’re asked to “be vulnerable,” “do their share of the housework,” “communicate more,” and “grow emotionally.” And yes, they should.

But change doesn’t come in two Instagram reels and a motivational quote. It takes humility. Patience. Time. And truthfully? It takes a space where they’re not always being judged for being three steps behind.
Women are expected to be soft and fierce, independent and available

The modern Indian woman carries a crushing double burden: to be limitless in ambition and flawless in love. She must lead at work, cook at home, speak gently, think sharply, be patient, and never forget birthdays.

She’s told she can have it all. But no one tells her the cost of “all.” The burnout. The quiet resentment. The emotional load that feels like she's living two lives in one body. And often, the guilt of feeling like even "all" is not enough.
The real death of marriage isn’t loud. It’s subtle. It’s silent. It’s slow

It’s in the small withdrawals, the “not tonight,” the “you just don’t get it,” the “we’ll talk later” that never comes. It’s in the mismatch of assumptions: She thought he’d change. He thought she’d stay the same.

She thought love meant understanding. He thought love meant staying. No one said anything. But both kept expecting. Quietly. Constantly.
So what now? Lower expectations? No. Shift them

It’s not about expecting less. It’s about expecting better. Instead of expecting our partner to heal us, maybe we expect them to hold space while we do the work. Instead of expecting constant romance, maybe we expect consistent kindness.

Instead of expecting perfection, maybe we expect presence. Instead of expecting to be completed, we learn to come complete. And maybe… just maybe, we stop expecting one person to be the entire village we were meant to be raised by.
The truth is: marriages are not failing. False ideas of marriage are

What’s dying is the fantasy. What’s being born is something more real. More raw. And perhaps, if we let it—more honest. Because love is not a prize. It’s a practice.

And expectations? They were never the problem. It’s the ones we never examined that quietly took everything down with them.