A career coach named Minnie Warner shared the “Black Coffee” Rule, which can shift your perspective, allowing you to let go of fear, and help you find clarity and achieve all your life goals. The clarity Warner describes is achieved through a simple scenario we have all encountered at some point: ordering at a coffee shop.

When the barista approaches you, do you order with confidence and clarity? Of course. you want your coffee the way you want it, and nothing else will do. As Warner pointed out, however, when it comes to our intentions and goals, we are often much less clear and direct, and that’s where the “Black Coffee” rule can help.

The ‘Black Coffee’ Rule can help you get exactly what you want in life.

The “Black Coffee” Rule is quite simple. Warner wrote in an Instagram post, “Imagine walking into a café wanting a latte. But instead of saying that, you tell the barista: “I just don’t want black coffee.” You can’t really even imagine it, can you? That’s because it’s inefficient.

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Warner then stated pointedly, “Now, guess how the barista feels? Confused. Because you never said what you want. You only focused on what you don’t. That’s how most people communicate with life.” In a nutshell, you can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want. Knowing what you don’t want only gets you so far. 

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Not asserting your desires is allowing your fear to thwart your life goals. 

Warner wrote that when people say things like, “I don’t want stress,” or “I don’t want to be broke,” what they’re really doing is allowing their fears to prohibit them from giving their true desires a voice. She explained, “You’re not choosing what you desire. You’re fighting what you’re trying to escape.”

I relate it to an avoidant attachment style, running away from autonomy, resisting decisions because you’re scared of choosing or solidifying your future. As Warner described it, “It’s like trying to walk forward while staring at the wall behind you.”

Author and executive life coach Margie Warrell, PhD, is of a similar mindset. She noted, “What we focus on expands. It takes up our energy in our lives. It takes up mental capacity, and it keeps us from putting our time and our talents and our resources into making things better.”

She’s saying exactly what Warner illustrates using the “Black Coffee” Rule. If you only focus on what you don’t want, you never put the effort into what you want to achieve. That subtle mindset shift makes a big difference.

Warner ends her post with, “Your life becomes what you order. Speak like a creator, not a survivor.” Perhaps some of the bigger decisions in life and the bigger risks in life take some careful consideration, and that’s okay. Just remember, put more effort into what you want rather than what you are trying to “escape.” Order the coffee exactly how you want it, because life is literally way too short not to.

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Emi Magaña is a writer from Los Angeles with a bachelor’s in English. She covers entertainment, news, and the real human experience.